SOMEONE MOVED THE EDGE

What do you think of when you hear Loving the Adventure? Just what is adventure to you? If you’ve been following me for a while you know that I find adventure just about everywhere. It’s all about attitude and perspective. Quite frankly it is my way of surviving the everyday stuff. Some people look for the positive, I look for the adventure.

I used to think that adventure meant going and doing, and I imagine it’s what many people think of as well…but as exciting as going and doing sounds, I haven’t the time, energy nor money to play quite that large all the time.

So while my grand going and doing adventures happen about once or twice a year, I still want to feel adventurous every single day. It’s juicy and invigorating. Feeling adventurous, to me, is akin to feeling alive.

As you know I’m in between adventures now…feeling a bit of a lull, and I've spent the wee morning hours contemplating my life….Am I happy? Am I contented? Am I leaning into fear enough? Am I moving forward? The answer to these questions is a solid YES! (Whew!).

But the edge of my comfort zone isn’t where it used to be: someone moved the edge, and I’m no longer on it. I think I’ve become accustomed to this life of not knowing what is coming next – of letting go of stuff that holds me down – of not wanting any real ties to anywhere. While living this way used to feel slightly uncomfortable and unnerving, it doesn’t any more….the edge has moved further out – which means my world of possibilities has expanded.

The long and short of it is, I am comfortable. Not a bad place to be especially with the imminent new world of adventure that will open up to me when my travel trailer (AKA Gypsy) is road worthy. How long that will take doesn’t seem to be the issue….her restoration process is my regeneration….we are both gearing up to do some wonderful things.

But for now I will be loving life and Loving the Adventure – with freedom and creativity. Life is good. 

Sometimes Life's Not Just Another Day at the Beach

Airstreams and Palm Trees

I will tell you one thing, there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by in the last 2 weeks that hasn’t been filled with some sort of confusion, clarity and epiphany.  It seems that I am remodeling my inner world as much as I am remodeling my outer world.

Who knew that the process of painting my cabinet doors would give me the opportunity to be thoughtful about my vulnerability? And just what does it mean to be vulnerable anyway? I can put a whole list of labels on it, but the bottom line is that some days not knowing feels exciting – other days not knowing feels vulnerable. But thankfully I’ve discovered that it’s OK to feel vulnerable. It’s not a good thing nor a bad thing….it just is, and that too shall pass.

I always thought I had faith in myself before, but I realize that I always needed to know where I was going. Today NOT knowing where I’m going and trusting that I am going in the right direction means everything to me.  It still feels a little amazing to realize that I’m not too unnerved by having no idea of what my future holds – but I’m still walking boldly into it.

My mantra pre-Gypsy was “you don’t have to know where you’re going or how you’ll get there – all you have to do is get the Airstream….then and only then will everything begin to unfold”. It’s been 2 weeks – a drop in the ocean compared to the rest of my life. If I move forward I celebrate it. If I need to pause, I allow it. If I stumble, I get back up and take another step. It is all as it should be, don't you think?

BTW - a big thank you to all who have contacted me with comments and support. Your words bring joy to my heart. Even though I am doing this for myself, sharing it with you is pretty cool too.

There Should Be a Sign on the Door

There should be a sign on the door “Caution, Woman with Power Tools Inside”. 

As you well know, Gypsy was delivered last week and I had some happy tears to welcome her home. The week that followed held more emotional surprises. My Inner Sissy met head-on with my Inner Kick Ass. The first few days were pure terror: Was I strong enough? Was I knowledgeable enough? Did I have enough money to do this renovation? What the Hell was I thinking?

Thankfully it only took me a few days to get my Macho back and one way I did this was to reframe the project. I’ve spent so many years proving to myself that life is all in attitude and perspective – so it’s nice that I had this thought process to fall back on. The first thing I had to do was to stop focusing on what isn’t done and start celebrating what is getting done – no matter how small.

I’m still deciding how to celebrate my successes. Some small daily ritual of self empowerment is in order, but for now, this blog will be my celebration.

So what have I accomplished this week?

1. The first two days were spent whining and being overwhelmed at the project I’ve gotten myself into – that wasn’t all bad however, I’ve been able to realize just what I wanted to get out of this project (besides a really cool Vintage Airstream). I wanted to get back that feeling of self-sufficiency and blind, can-do trust in myself.

2. Removed all drapes and the tracks that held them (That took 2 days because they were so filthy that my allergies were raging, and well, there’s only so much that can get done when you’ve got a box of tissues in one hand.)

3. Learned how to remove the tambour doors (for when I eventually paint them) – and by-the-way, this is no small task: It starts out with a few simple, visible screws, but the real set of screws is sort of hidden and very hard to get to – let’s see, I have 9 doors?

4. Was able to remove the bed platform enough to see that Yes, I can reposition the bed across the back wall. And, No, I cannot remove the built in dresser by myself – so the bedroom will have to wait.

5. Finally got the living room credenza out!! That was mucho empowering….

Before - credenza still in place

After - now there's room for my Eames Chair

6. see the pile of stuff that has been removed?

Stuff going, going,gone!!

And the zillion screws that I’ve had to remove – many by hand because the drill wouldn’t fit it the tight spots.

Don't laugh - this took a lot of time

7. I have also been chipping away at getting the gaucho couch out, but I think that too will have to wait for some more muscle. My ego has really taken a hit on what I can’t do, but I realized that I CAN do everything above the windows: clean, paint, install new shelf, install new shades and curtains – that will keep me busy for weeks I’m sure.

8. Also found a source for reasonably priced roller shades during a fact finding trip into town. All windows will have lightweight (washable) curtains but I also need some privacy shades at night. I will eventually redo all shades with some sort of fabric for a more finished look.

I promise, I will post pictures when there is actually a before and after to see – right now it doesn’t look like I’ve done much of anything (Hence the list of accomplishments)….Once the paint, window coverings and new LED lighting is done, I will definitely share the progress with you.

FIRST I CRIED

Gypsy - hours after landing in her new home

You know that feeling that you get when you want something so badly that it takes over every cell of your existence: you taste it, you breathe and no matter what you’re doing, you never really stop thinking about it? But you can hardly handle thinking about it because with those thoughts comes the fear of not getting it. And you’re positive that you will never, never, never be able to handle that loss. All the other losses life throws at you maybe, but not that loss.

Yet you allow yourself a tiny moment to feel the dream of having it – the joy you will feel; the pride and yes, even the fact that everything in your life will change with this one fundamental achievement. Your entire body is awash with the warmth of knowing that this is exactly what you should be doing, and you are close. So very close. You see yourself dancing around celebrating your good fortune, enjoying the fruits of your labor. Living the good life.

That’s exactly what I’ve been going through the past several months. Constantly visioning my life of freedom on the road – untethered, going where spirit takes me. Constantly planning my ‘perfect’ abode.  In the beginning it was a motorhome, but that just didn’t feel right – so I sat with those feelings. Then I realized that if I was going to do this – give up possessions and being grounded – I needed to do whatever it takes to do it right – not settle for almost or close enough, but stand my ground for the premium dream: An Airstream.

On May 17^th, 2012 she was delivered. Today marks the beginning of a whole new life for me. Yesterday I thought that I would be uncorking the champagne and celebrating like a PhD who has successfully defended their dissertation.  But today, after completing the legal transfer, before I could celebrate….first I cried. The relief, the joy and the strain of mentally holding my breath finally flooded over me and the tears fell like rain. Today I cried because I didn’t know what else to do. Tomorrow I might know, but today I will simply be grateful for the goodness in my life.

When to Tell Your EGO to Shove It!

Here’s what happens when I listen to my Inner Source and decide to take action – my Ego will let me get into the planning stage for just about anything – we’re safe there, my ego and I – but just let me start to take action and here’s what happens:

 I get an inspiration – and it feels so right – so perfect – so exciting. I just KNOW that it’s what I’m meant to do next. I take that first exciting, adventurous step in the direction of my heart….I move forward and get so excited – “Wow, this is it, I’m finally gonna do it!”. Then I crash into a wall, or fall into a deep dark hole and struggle to find my way. “What was I thinking?” “Who do I think I am?” become the words I hear more clearly than my inner Source.

 I am flighty. I can’t be taken seriously. I’m not good enough to do this. I can’t even trust my own feelings. (Hear the despair and hopelessness? Notice how Ego can beat you to smithereens?)

 When you take a step toward listening to your heart – your Inner Source – your Ego will play every trick in the book to stop you. Ego wants you to stay put – be stuck – and it will go to any lengths to keep you there. It will not let you go without a fight.

 Whenever I crash into that wall or fall into that deep dark hole means that I am on the right track – if my Ego is uncomfortable then that is good. If my Ego feels threatened to throw the book at me then I must be on to something. From now on, when I hit that moment of fear and self-doubt I will see it as a sign that I am doing EXACTLY what I need to be doing to follow my heart! 

And that is good news, my friend – very good news indeed!

What is Courage?

Courage is not the absence of fear – or pretending fear isn’t there. But the manifestation of courage is the opposite of fear – fear will keep you stuck, but courage will release you. But just what is courage and how do you get more?

I’ve been reading about some pretty courageous women who are doing some amazing things and there is NO WAY that they haven’t had an up close and personal relationship with fear along their path– so how have they done it? What makes them so significantly different from you and me?

I know they each have perseverance, a level of stubbornness, and an unwillingness to accept defeat (in their cases defeat could very easily mean death). It doesn’t mean that they have never wanted to give up or walk away – it just means that that isn’t an option for them.

But that’s after they have committed themselves to a dream….it’s the dreaming I think that makes the difference. We all embody a range of perseverance, stubbornness and unwillingness to accept defeat – but we don’t all step into our dreams with 100% commitment.

So can courage can be defined by the outrageousness of our dreams and going for it anyway. If we do that then, is courage only granted to the outrageous? Or is it more a matter of faith? Trusting that things will work out – no matter how far the deck is stacked against you….trusting that this outrageous dream of yours means something and that something is worth taking a risk for – trusting that you’ll always land on your feet – even if you have to dust yourself off a few times.

Consider also that what is courage to me is child’s play to someone else…as I read about the physical and mental fetes of other women who are putting their lives at risk, I begin to compare my own adventures – a dangerous practice I can tell you…I am not rowing the oceans or climbing Mt. Everest, but what I’m doing takes courage none-the-less….I’m more like getting into the water one toe at a time – whereas there are those that jump in and then figure out how to swim. I’m a baby stepper – they are leapers, but we all are letting our dreams guide and lead us on this journey of life…..

Limbo is Only Good if it’s a dance

OK I admit it, I feel like I’m in limbo - standing in the doorway, outside, just waiting to go in….a bit stuck in today’s reality. So I started wondering just what is reality really? It is, of course exactly what we make it, so why am I making mine feel so stuck?

Yes, I went on adventure the other day – traveling roads I’ve traveled many times before, but with a new perspective – but it didn’t really work. Gone were the excitement and the expectation of new. So I have to ask myself, why am I accepting this right now? Not sure, but currently it feels like I can’t go forward until I actually move. WRONG. I must find a way to create sparkle and vibrancy for the next 6 weeks – a life of freedom is a precious thing.

I have lots of projects waiting for me – things that I can do that will up my energy quotient…so maybe it’s time to get into my craft room and start rummaging through my supplies – maybe the excitement isn’t without, but within. Maybe my instincts are spot on after all…

Today is the Tomorrow You’ve Been Waiting For.

I gave birth today – not in the hospital and not to an 8 pound baby boy, but to a product that has been a dream of mine for over three years (to find out more about this amazing program go HERE).

Last fall a friend of mine made the comment that it was “time to give birth”, and she was so very right. It was a long and arduous labor (and I do mean labor), but I finally completed the last steps last night and hit the ‘live’ button on my website.

Today feels sparkling and new – that first step was a doozey: getting all the puzzle pieces figured out so that they all fit and make a worthy product. I love how it turned out, but I love more the fact that I did it – I took a dream and made it a reality….and considering all the effort it took, it’s no wonder I dragged my feet for so long.

Now comes the next phase of promoting this product. I don’t know how to do that any more than I knew how to take my dream and make a finished product out of it – but I know I’ll figure it out as I go.

I’ll be able to practice what I preach by leaning into fear and stepping boldly into the unknown. Not bad for someone who started out painfully shy and insecure.

I AM LIVING PROOF THAT ONE COURAGEOUS ACT LEADS TO ANOTHER. And I started with baby steps many years ago – the difference is that I continued to move forward until I could no longer ignore the call to give birth. It is done, it is here, I can actually hold it in my hands.

Ahhh, sweet child of  mine – let’s go out and see the world together.