FIRST I CRIED

Gypsy - hours after landing in her new home

You know that feeling that you get when you want something so badly that it takes over every cell of your existence: you taste it, you breathe and no matter what you’re doing, you never really stop thinking about it? But you can hardly handle thinking about it because with those thoughts comes the fear of not getting it. And you’re positive that you will never, never, never be able to handle that loss. All the other losses life throws at you maybe, but not that loss.

Yet you allow yourself a tiny moment to feel the dream of having it – the joy you will feel; the pride and yes, even the fact that everything in your life will change with this one fundamental achievement. Your entire body is awash with the warmth of knowing that this is exactly what you should be doing, and you are close. So very close. You see yourself dancing around celebrating your good fortune, enjoying the fruits of your labor. Living the good life.

That’s exactly what I’ve been going through the past several months. Constantly visioning my life of freedom on the road – untethered, going where spirit takes me. Constantly planning my ‘perfect’ abode.  In the beginning it was a motorhome, but that just didn’t feel right – so I sat with those feelings. Then I realized that if I was going to do this – give up possessions and being grounded – I needed to do whatever it takes to do it right – not settle for almost or close enough, but stand my ground for the premium dream: An Airstream.

On May 17^th, 2012 she was delivered. Today marks the beginning of a whole new life for me. Yesterday I thought that I would be uncorking the champagne and celebrating like a PhD who has successfully defended their dissertation.  But today, after completing the legal transfer, before I could celebrate….first I cried. The relief, the joy and the strain of mentally holding my breath finally flooded over me and the tears fell like rain. Today I cried because I didn’t know what else to do. Tomorrow I might know, but today I will simply be grateful for the goodness in my life.